I'm a Stranger in a Strange Land

ok… so this is going to be one of those angsty emo rants that people have to get out of their system every once in a while…  well heres mine.

I cant have kids.  One little small part that is in every way girly and like every 6 year old little girl died friday. Who wants to date then maybe one day marry a girl who cant have his kids? no one…

My mother hates me….but then again…. so does everyone…..

Someone i really liked and cared for turned out to be not mr. right…. but mr. lead you on cause im a douche bag.

I honestly havent ever felt like i wanted to die….

cant say that now. i want to vanish, hide under a rock and wither away till nothing remains…. 

i must be tastey! i have been told my last name, Ambrose, sounds delicious, like the ambrosia salad.

i like to think I’m tasty. 

so its been a while tumblr, how are you?

im doing great, i passed all my classes this passed semester, 3.111 GPA, im proud. hopefully now my mom will let me go visit some mofo named Nick in LA, Cali.  (I miss joo BIFFLE!!) 

21 has been fun. drinking with friends is my kind of night, even if we dont drink alot. 

i wish i could have gone to pensacola with mi madre, but alas, i couldnt. shes a meanie. i know.

my hair has grown a lot since january.  i need to do soemthing new with it. im thinking some color. any ideas anyone? i mean, i have no idea haha.

so far nothing on the job thing. which blows chunks

I will be chaperoning a bunch of 6th graders saturday, going to carowinds. this should be fun. my little brother told them im cool, and actually go on the rides. which is true. 

blah bah blah. blah, blahty blah blah! 

i dunno. its 3:30 am and im bored, i dont plan on sleeping.

also, on a parting note, Did you hear that?

Like the sun goes down, and the night over takes the land, my happy mood has once again fallen down a well.

Spent the day at my brothers, it was fun. went swimming, got some sun, you know what you do when it finally warms up.  

But now that I am home, its very different. My parents and younger brother are out of town, and i am now home alone.  Maybe i am just too exhausted, or maybe its a combination of the exhaustion and the underlying depression that has been dying to break out.

My “friends” don’t pay attention to me.  Been trying to hang with them more than the 4 times i have since graduation.  My one real friend has moved back to california, and i wish to god i could have gone with him…. Im falling apart it seems. i miss my best friend… im having no luck in the relationship field. hell my brothers ex (neices momma) has a boyfriend and shes the size of the broad side of a house… 

i kinda hate myself… i seem to fuck everything up… 

maybe im just tired…

maybe its self loathing

maybe its both. 

can i run away now? can i disappear? i mean almost every one has forgotten i exist…. except one person, and hes the best damned friend i have ever had….

you know what? FUCK YOU GUYS!

you dont care, 

i dont exist to you.

you will READ the things say on facebook, how im sad, or blah, or that i want to delete it and vanish. 

BUT YOU WILL SAY NOTHING

YOU WILL NOT GIVE IT A SECOND THOUGHT

you take and take and take and im stupid enough to give give and give…

im tired….

im going to bed.

btw, you know who yo are when i say i love you for being the best friend i could ever ask for. <3 i miss you…

yes tumblr, my dear, my darling, i have been away and i apologize.  i blame the thing we females call MALE. yes, was totally lead on and blown off by some fucktard.  WHY did i let it happen? i dunno maybe because he said alot of pretty words.  fuck him, fuck them, just fuck in general.

“Your flowing cursive of rotten versus, words i thought i loved” totally applies to it all.  but its ok! I let the bastard know why at 28 he was still single!

yes. im a bitch.

yes your a dick.

no i will never talk to you again because you broke that trust.

bye bye :)

ok thats enough lol later peeps

So, I am sitting in my mother’s room, playing on my computer and listening to the commercials, the who during the superbow half time show, and what not, when Flo.Tv airs a commercial that’s a montage of clips of videos from all generations.  It is a beautiful montage, even though they did show the 9/11 clips. It was a commercial for TV, and ALL TV.

Now, people on Twitter are getting into a big fucking tissy over it.  Yes, it was tragic, but it’s a perfect example to show for the benefits of one of the Flo.Tv devices.  You are current on not just sports, or your favorite drama. But the news two.

Face it people, LIFE IS FUCKING TRAGIC! FACE IT!  People need to STOP bitching about the past, what has happened, and say its fucking taboo, and learn from our mistakes.

9/11 was horrible, yes. It probably wouldn’t have happened if America’s government didn’t make it out to seem like we are so FUCKING INVINCIBLE! WE AREN’T! The only reason you, me, the person on the subway, the man on the street, the woman and her child in the park are safe, because of STRONG, BRAVE, COURAGOUS, AND SACRIFICING men and women of all ages are RISKING THEIR GOD DAMN LIVES FOR YOUR THANKLESS ASSES! My fucking god. GROW THE FUCK UP PEOPLE!

If you think PEOPLE are bad????? LOOK at nature. Look at the Gulf and what happened in Haiti.

If you want Tragedy to stop, hurt and pain by the hands of others to stop, look in the mirror. It starts with you.  Stop being a bunch of bitches, dumbasses, and bastards, we wouldn’t be nearly as fucked up as a nation as we are.

Yes, that’s right, our nation is FUCKED UP big fucking time.

WE NEED A FUCKING REVOLUTION! TEAR AWAY THE HATE AND THE ANGER! WE WILL NEVER HEAL IF YOU DON’T! I mean look at the middle east, they have been waging war against themselves for CENTRIES, and where has it gotten them? And its not all of them, its those self appointed gods that call themselves leaders. It’s the same in America.  They have their own backs, but who has yours?

theeverchanging:

beforeyoudie:

Before I die I want to feel wanted and I want to feel needed by someone more than I need them.