I'm a Stranger in a Strange Land

Like the sun goes down, and the night over takes the land, my happy mood has once again fallen down a well.

Spent the day at my brothers, it was fun. went swimming, got some sun, you know what you do when it finally warms up.  

But now that I am home, its very different. My parents and younger brother are out of town, and i am now home alone.  Maybe i am just too exhausted, or maybe its a combination of the exhaustion and the underlying depression that has been dying to break out.

My “friends” don’t pay attention to me.  Been trying to hang with them more than the 4 times i have since graduation.  My one real friend has moved back to california, and i wish to god i could have gone with him…. Im falling apart it seems. i miss my best friend… im having no luck in the relationship field. hell my brothers ex (neices momma) has a boyfriend and shes the size of the broad side of a house… 

i kinda hate myself… i seem to fuck everything up… 

maybe im just tired…

maybe its self loathing

maybe its both. 

can i run away now? can i disappear? i mean almost every one has forgotten i exist…. except one person, and hes the best damned friend i have ever had….

you know what? FUCK YOU GUYS!

you dont care, 

i dont exist to you.

you will READ the things say on facebook, how im sad, or blah, or that i want to delete it and vanish. 

BUT YOU WILL SAY NOTHING

YOU WILL NOT GIVE IT A SECOND THOUGHT

you take and take and take and im stupid enough to give give and give…

im tired….

im going to bed.

btw, you know who yo are when i say i love you for being the best friend i could ever ask for. <3 i miss you…